DAY 28 MARCH 10 SANDAKAN, MALAYSIA-NOT!

Malaysia stop canceled.  Say what?!!!!  The Pleep had his heart set on the ORANGUTAN SANCTUARY excursion.  We have to take a detour...huh?  We can't make the high tide to get over the sand bar?  Even Bubba got his dander up over this one.  A call to the General Manager, Michael- what the hey?  You people don't have Tide Charts?  In Florida we can tell when the tide is up or down a year in advance!  This just ain't right.  Pleep and I had our heart set on the stop in Malaysia.  Sorry Mr. Collins and Mr. Pleep...we're doing the best we can.  Another day at sea.....but rumor from below deck and reliable Texas sources  say there are Pirates in the area so we need to vamoose!!!  Pirates?  Oh the Pleepster got all excited- forget those darn Malaysian Monkeys.  Pirates sound way more fun Dad!

Bubba couldn't convince the Captain and Tenille to man up.  Get yer guns and pstolas.  We're MERICANS and we don't run.  To no avail.  So Bubba started to surf the net for his next cruise, no more Regent Girlie Man WUSSY Cruises for him and Pleep.....and low and behold he found just the perfect cruise.

L u x u r y    C r u i s e    L i n e s Now Accepting Reservations! Additional cruise information available below. To The Point Cruise Lines is excited to offer the ultimate adventure cruise, along the pirate-infested coast of Somalia    Ultimate Adventure Cruise Route Rates and Availability

Ship Name Starting Price Days AvailabilitySun Splendor $5,200.00 5 Fully Booked Grand Voyage $6,150.00 7 Reservations Available Horizons IV $7,091.00 10 Reservations Available Horizons III $5,200.00 7 Fully Booked Grand Voyage II $6,300.00 7 Fully Booked Grand Voyage III $5,200.00 5 Reservations Available Coastal  Paradise $5,200.00 7 Reservations Available Coastal  Paradise II $8,200.00 10 Reservations Available Peril Princess $5,200.00 7 Fully Booked Peril Princess II $5,200.00 7 Reservations Available  We board our luxury cruise ships in Djibouti on the Gulf of Aden near the entrance to the Red Sea, and disembark in Mombasa Kenya , seven adrenaline-charged days later. Reservations start at only $5,200 per-person (double occupancy, inside room) and $6,900 (verandah complete with bench rest).

You'll relax like never before! That's because you are welcome to bring your own arsenal with you. If you don't have your own weapons, you can rent them from our onboard Master Gunsmith. Enjoy reloading parties every afternoon, with skeet and marksmanship competitions every night! But the best fun of all, of course, is...    ...Pirate Target Practice!   The object of our cruise is to sail up and down the Somali Coast waiting to get hijacked by pirates!    Weapons rentals:  Weapon Selection Price DescriptionAK-47 Light Assault

$12.00 Per Day On a budget? Rent a full-auto scope-mounted AK-47 for only $9/day with 7.62 ball ammo at $12 per 100 rounds:M-16 Full Automatic

$25.00 Per Day Rent a full auto M-16 for only $25/day with ammo attractively priced at $16 per 100 rounds of 5.56 armor-piercing:Barrett M-107 50 Caliber

$59.00 Per Day Hello! Nothing gets a pirate's attention like a Barrett M-107 50-cal rifle; only $59/day with 25 rounds of armor-piercing ammo affordably priced at only $29.95.RPG Launcher

$175.00 Per Day Want to make a real impact? Rent an RPG for only $175/day with three fragmentation rounds included! A true favorite among pirates, rent one today and show you care! Customer Testimonials

"Six attacks in 4 days were more than I expected. I bagged three pirates, my wife nailed two, and my 12-year old son sank two boats with the mini-gun. This wonderful cruise was fun for the whole family"-- Fred D., Cincinnati , OH "Pirates 0, Passengers 32! Well worth the trip! Can't recommend it highly enough!" -- Ben L., Bethesda , MD BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!Twin mounted mini-guns are available for rental at only $450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire!

Additional Cruise Line Services  Need a spotter? Our professional crew members can double as spotters for only $30/hour (spotting scope included, but gratuities are not). Also included: Free complimentary night vision equipment --and throughout the night, coffee, pastries and snacks are always available on the main deck from 7pm until 6am. Our deluxe package comes complete with gourmet meals and all rooms offer a mini-bar.  OUR SATISFACTION GUARANTEED!   We guarantee you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or you'll receive an instant $1,000 refund upon arrival in Mombasa . In fact, we make three passes through the area's most treacherous waters to ensure maximum visibility by Somali mother ships. We repeat this for five days, making three complete passes past the entire Somali Coast...At night, the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot every five minutes, with loud disco music directionally beamed shore side to attract maximum attention. ACT NOW!  Cabin space is limited so you need to respond quickly. Reserve your package before Aug 31st and get a great bonus-- 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice! So sign up for the Ultimate Somali Coast Adventure Cruise now! BUT THERE'S EVEN MORE!

Reserve Now -and be automatically entered to win a 5 minute time slot on the Captain's own Twin Browning 50 Caliber M2HB installation! "I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in ' Nam . Don't worry about getting shot by pirates... they never even got close to the ship with the crap they shoot and their lousy aim... Come on board and bag your own clutch of genuine Somali pirates!" -- Mike W., Savannah , GA This gun shook the deck like thunder, AWESOME!-- Jim W., Tampa , FL